Husbands’ Survival Guide on Pregnancy – What We See and What Really Happens

Pregnancy is something men can only witness from the sideline. Moreover, men can only assume and speculate how it really is to harbor a life inside one’s body. In addition, the numerous physiological, behavioral and physical changes in our pregnant wife can be a perplexing experience.  Demystifying the symptoms of pregnancy will help husbands appreciate and participate in it better.

What husbands see: Please don’t kill me in my sleep. Yes, there may be nights when men hope they won’t find a knife stuck on their chests with their wife smiling and admiring her handy work. Pregnancy can also be scary for husbands! One moment she’s sweet and not a minute later she’s a raving psycho. Sometimes you find her admiring and smiling at anything and everything. Yet at times she cries her eyes off for no apparent reason. After 30 minutes or so you check up on her and she’s still at it. It gets irritating and it gets frustrating. Did I mention that it can be scary?

What’s really happening: With the baby on the way, your wife has extra doses of hormones in her body and this can affect her mood. On a psychological level, your wife may have different feelings about the pregnancy itself and the idea of bearing a child into the world. Processing these mixed emotions can be tough for her.

The weepies and the mood swings are often at their height during the first 6 to 10 weeks of pregnancy. These are the times when answering questions like “I’m I fat?” requires deep pondering before a response. During the second trimesters, hormones are leveling out and she gets more control of her emotions. However, expect the mood swings again during the last trimester of her pregnancy.

What husbands should do: Heightened emotions both good and bad create situations that seem to defy male explanation. But we’re not here to psychoanalyze every misplaced emotion or unwarranted behavior. Instead, extending one’s patience is a virtue that will be greatly appreciated by our wives. If they need to cry, offer your shoulder even if you don’t know why she’s upset. If she wants to laugh, then laugh with her. Pregnancy is stressful. Thus, we make it a point to make it less taxing for them.

What husbands see: Whining and crying because of cramps is annoying both for the wife and for the husband. For one, I have to wake up and stretch her leg in the middle of the night. But more than just the selfish reason of not getting sleep, the feeling of being helpless for your wife is equally unappealing.

What’s really happening: Cramps during pregnancy is due to many reasons. For instance, leg cramps is said to be neurological in nature. Pressure on the nerves especially in the lower extremities causes cramps. Moreover, the additional weight can increase the pressure on the legs and feet can also contribute to leg cramps. Similarly, abdominal cramps are annoying and irritating. During early pregnancy abdominal cramps are caused by anything from the implantation of the embryo 8 to 10 days after ovulation to the stretching of the uterus. In contrast, during later stages in pregnancy pain is concentrated in the lower abdomen, hips and the groin. This is the infamous round ligament pain and occurs when the ligament surrounding the uterus and the pelvic area stretches. On the other hand, Braxton Hicks Contractions are generally not painful. But these little bouts of contractions but can be annoying. Think of it as the body’s way of preparing the mother for labor.

Cramping is present from early pregnancy to the final minutes of labor.  It's an inevitable symptom of pregnancy.    

What husbands should do: The most that husbands can do is to keep his wife as comfortable as possible. For instance, massaging your wife’s legs and feet regularly can help minimize cramping. In addition, allow her to seat and raise her legs while husbands do the household chores. Furthermore, husbands can assist their wives when they do their doctor-recommended exercises for pregnant women.  

Not being able to do much when you find your wife in pain is an awful feeling. But as husbands, we simply do what we can to keep our wives comfortable even if it’s just giving our wives a hand to squeeze when she feels pain.

What husbands see: They say gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins. So it’s just logical to ask if our wives are going to hell. During pregnancy, it’s just hard not to think of your wife preparing for a 42 KM full marathon run. Extra servings seem inadequate and you’re title of most steaks eaten in 30 minutes is constantly being challenged. Suffice to say, pregnant women appear to eat like there’s no tomorrow!

What’s really happening: Starting second trimester, pregnant women begin to eat more than usual. Their appetite increases as a response to their need for more nutrition. But this does not mean eating everything on the dessert menu. A common fallacy about pregnant diet is to eat double the usual. Although your wife is eating for two, it does not mean your baby will need the same amount of calories as your wife.

At the start of the pregnancy, an increase of 150 calories per day is recommended. But the amount can increase up to 250 per day towards the last trimester. Besides increasing calorie intake, increasing calcium, iron and folic acid intake will benefit both the mom and the baby.

This is one of those few instances where gaining weight and getting bigger is appreciated. By the time your wife is ready to deliver the baby, she can gain anywhere from 25 to 35 extra pounds. As such help your wife embrace the reality of getting bigger and heavier.

What husbands should do: As the husband, you are the voice of reason when it comes to her voracious appetite. Provide her a variety of nutritious food choices. Likewise, give her small nutritious snacks through out the day. Experts suggest eating smaller but more frequent meals is better than eating 3 large meals a day. Moreover, be the one to remind her to take her vitamins and ensure that she drinks her milk everyday. Yes, husbands, it’s your time to nag.

What husbands see: It’s really worse than hangover. At least with a hangover, you get to get sober in a day or less. Conversely, with morning sickness, you just have to get used to your wife dashing for the comfort room any time of the day for months on end.

What’s really happening: Morning sickness is a deceptive name as it may occur any time of the day. Higher estrogen level is often associated with nausea and can be a reason why pregnant women experience morning sickness. In addition, other hormones and chemicals in the body can also contribute to the nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. Furthermore, low blood sugar is also a possible explanation. Since the body requires more food and energy, pregnant women are more susceptible to low blood sugar.

Expect your wife to experience vomiting and nausea during the first 4 to 6 weeks of pregnancy. By the end of the first trimester, as much as 75% of pregnant women no longer have to contend with morning sickness. Unfortunately there are still women who have to endure this throughout their pregnancy.

What husbands should do: Morning sickness is one of the symptoms of pregnancy that has gained infamy around the world. But husbands can help alleviate the discomfort. Providing relief for your wife comes in many ways. For instance, constant feeding is important. So make sure your wife has snacks where ever she may go. In addition, a cracker before getting up in the morning seems to help many women. Moreover, eating fruits and vegetables especially those with high water content seems to do the trick. Likewise, vitamin supplements may be recommended by doctors can alleviate the symptoms.

Of course there are other little details that many men find vexing. From the squiggly things called stretch marks on their wives tummies to the linea negra running along the bloated abdomens all seem too alien. For husbands, demystifying something they will never experience becomes doubly difficult.

Indeed, husbands don’t get pregnant. In spite of this limitation, we can still actively participate in our wives’ pregnancy. How men see pregnancy may not be accurate. Moreover, how women want to be treated and pampered may vary. What’s most important is husbands ride shotgun and make the journey more comfortable for their wives.

For all the husbands (especially the first time dads like me) out there, what is it about your wife's pregnancy that perplexes you the most? For all the women out there, do tell us how you want us to help you during your pregnancy.

All your insights will help me and millions of men out there become better husbands and birthing partners.  Who knows, we might just become good at it?