The Philippine Bully Buses

There’s a new breed of buses that ply the streets of Metro Manila, Philippines. They are not your average buses. They are killer buses that will challenge your driving skills and put you closer to cardiac arrest every time you are on the road. What are these buses? Meet the Philippine Bully Buses. Here is a quick guide to the newly discovered species of dangerous creatures on the road.

This particular species of bully bus is commonly called the That Freakin’ Bus. Its name lends to the fact that this bus does not know what the turn signal is for. This particular species of bully bus is indigenous to the metropolis and semi-urban areas. It is characterized by its ridiculous use of its turn signal that is bordering on stupid with a dash of insane. You will notice this specific species of bully bus to use either left or right turn signal then going the other way. The adult species of the Giganticus Moronensis does not just use turn signals erroneously, but uses the hazard light without the aid of cognitive function. Take note that there are no emergencies whatever. Moreover, this particular bully bus is known to stop in the middle of the road to load or unload its passengers. In many instances the adult male species were observed to honk relentlessly at other vehicles without provocation. Experts posit that this behavior is a show of dominance over other vehicles plying the same thoroughfare. As such, many believe that this species is very territorial and will attack with minimal provocation. Moreover, after several observations, experts have unearthed the fact that the loudness of their honks is inversely proportional to their brain size.

Your Survival Quick Guide

If you do encounter this particular species of bully bus, remember to avoid eye contact as it will just provoke it. When it flashes its turn signal or hazard light, remember that it’s just a hoax so do not believe it. But for your own survival, stay away whenever possible. Two or three car lengths behind is a safe enough distance.

The Giganticus Identicus Mysterious is a one-of-kind species of bully buses. In most cases, you will not recognize that it is such the species. Once thought as extinct, authorities were surprised to have discovered a thriving pack of Giganticus Identicus Mysterious plying both the urban areas and the provincial roads. These special type of buses use plate numbers registered for other vehicles. Experts believe that this behavior of using another plate number allows them to prowl around in plain sight even without the appropriate papers. These are truly elusive bully buses. This is why they are considered the ninjas of the bully bus family. But do not underestimate these cunning buses, they are known to kill and will do it without remorse.

Your Survival Quick Guide

The general public will not identify these buses in the wild. This makes it difficult to for the common person to avoid such bully bus. But should you have doubts as to the true identity of the bus, one can always take note of the plate number and the name of the bus company. Reporting it to the authorities is the best option even if you don’t have faith they can do anything about it. Remember, the Giganticus Identicus Mysterious could be anywhere. You could have ridden one already.

1. Keep away from these these bully buses
2. Avoid eye contact, you might provoke it
3. Let it pass and don't attempt to jostle for position
4. Report these bully buses to the authorities

The Giganticus Serpentinum is considered as one of the most dangerous bully buses known to man. This particular species is known to weave through traffic as if there was none. Young Serpentinum can cross 2 or 3 lanes in medium traffic with ease. However, adult species are known to cross 3 or even 4 lanes even when traffic is heavy. This bully bus species banks on motorists’ fear of getting hit by a rampaging bus. Scientists have also noticed that this species often force other motorist to move away from their intended path by moving so close that can induce shock to drivers. Moreover, these species can elicit cursing and cussing behavior if you happen to come across one in the wild. Common reactions to the serpentinum include “holy Sh!t”, “F@k you” or the commonly preferred local vulgarity of “put@ng in@ mo”. Experts have noticed that reactions to the locomotion of this species are not limited to verbal aggression or near cardiac arrest. After much scientific inquiries, experts conclude that the locomotion through traffic causes an increase in honking rate of other vehicles in the wild. Unfortunately, such increase in honking from others motorists seems to be impervious to the species.

Your Survival Quick Guide

In case you encounter the Giganticus Serpentinum in the wild, it is best to let it pass. It is also preferable to avoid blasting your horn as it does nothing to sway that darn bus to move away. But if it makes you feel happy to honk at it, feel free to do so at your own risk.

Hands down, this species of bully bus is extremely violent and dangerous. Because of generations of genetic inbreeding, this particular species of bully bus has all the traits of the other bully bus species. However, manifestations of specific traits vary in degree. Apart from the known traits exhibited by other species, this fascinatingly dangerous bully buses are not called the Great Big Bully King or Bully King for short for nothing. In numerous cases, the Bully King have evolved in such a way they can jump and fly over bridges and flyovers to the detriment of everyone in it. Likewise, some have acquired the ungodly gift of spontaneous combustion while on the road. In addition, some Bully Kings evolved into rappelling monsters that take lives.

The Giganticus Bullynensis Rex is not afraid to wreak havoc even to its own demise. This reckless attitude makes this species dangerous to all human life. Research on the bully bus has shown that the species is already spreading from the urban area to the most remote parts of the country. The growing population of the Bully King is becoming a growing concern that requires adequate attention.

Your Survival Quick Guide

Should you be unfortunate enough to be riding in one, all you can do is get down and ride another bus. Apart from that, prayer can soothe your anxieties. If you are a motorist plying the same road as the Bully King, caution is advised. Never make eye contact, let it pass to keep yourself safe and most importantly, allow several bus lengths in between you and the dangerous species.

The Philippine Bully Buses are rapidly increasing in number. With this increase of dangerous bus species, commuters and motorists are in constant danger. In spite of the measures of the government to control their spread, they seem to propagate at an alarming rate.